WOMEN BEHIND THE FATHERS' MOVEMENT
ELIZABETH LARSON

"The Trial of the Century has spawned what many in the fathers' rights movement consider the most egregious example of the unfair courts system of all time. With a shrill chorus of support from feminist and working women organizations everywhere, O.J. Simpson prosecutor Marcia Clark went back to court to demand an increase in her child-support payments for her two young boys because of her additional personal expenses stemming from the televised trial and the prospect that she would be engaging in more high-profile cases in the future (a new wardrobe, more hours with the baby-sitter, etc.). Little note was made of the fact that Clark's $97,000 annual salary was about double that of her husband's-even when pointed out, it didn't matter, thanks to an atmosphere polluted with the feminist principle that the man must always pay.
    When Clark's ex-husband suggested he assume full-time responsibility for the boys by becoming the custodial parent since Clark clearly did not have the time to care for them, he really dug himself in deep. This was not a divorced father seeking merely to assert his own rights to care for his little boys-this was a man trying to weasel out of financial obligations to his children by cruelly attacking his ex-wife because she was a successful independent woman! In the mainstream media the battle lines were drawn-the working-mom Superwoman and her feminist supporters on one side, and an irresponsible father and his male supporters in the fathers' rights movement on the other. Lost in this divide between the sexes were any thoughts of the children involved.
    Seeking to dispel this prevailing notion that the fathers' rights movement is little more than a loose coalition of emotional support groups for angry men are the established organizations within the movement itself. And contrary to the popular impression created by such custody battles as the Clarks'-and the largely anti father bias of the family courts system and laws in general-there are plenty of women who find nothing offensive or unreasonable in the notion of "fathers rights" and who, in fact, take an active role in the organizations seeking to bring a little justice and common sense to a system that handles an increasingly large problem in American society: divorce and the children left in its wake.
    While continually growing in number, fathers' rights are often local and frequently take the form of support groups that also provide legal and educational support. Data on membership is often difficult for even group officials to pin down because of the amorphous and largely volunteer nature of these groups. What is certain, though, is that women are often the ones in the families responsible for the fathers getting involved in a group.
    While a small percentage of the general membership of organizations such as the New York-based National Association of Fathers may be female (of the NAF's 1,700 California members, for example, just 5 percent are women), women certainly play a large role in the fathers' rights movement. According to an organizer of one group, it is the stepmother, second wives, sisters, even grandmothers and aunts, who make the initial phone call to inquire about a fathers rights organization; the men, it seems, have often just thrown their hands up in frustration and despair. The women are moved to action because they are witness to a system they regard as terribly unfair-one that affects society as a whole, because it is biased against not just men, but children.
    Unfortunately for those involved in the movement, the popular conception of "fathers rights" is something akin to a man versus woman battle. Jacquelyn Vicenti, a member of the National Congress for Fathers & Children, finds this misconception of particular concern. "I have been following the fathers rights movement for several years, " she says, "and it is upsetting to me that it is viewed so narrowly. As an estranged grandmother and an adolescent therapist and counselor, I see a far broader impact to society. When a father-or mother-is denied access to a child, the entire family suffers, including grandparent, aunts, uncles, and cousins. It amazes me that women are so aggressive in excluding fathers. Can they fail to realize that they are quite likely to be denied access to their own children_"
    In hopes of breaking this downward cycle of division, some of these women who have helped their husbands, grown sons, or brothers make the initial step to join a fathers' rights group then become activists in the movement's main organizations themselves.
    Kimberly King is one second wife who found herself caught in the Kafkaesque court battle between a new husband and his former spouse-and now uses her law degree to help others in similarly nightmarish situations. Don King, a systems engineer who had attended law school, was the custodial parent of a young daughter. Before he and Kimberly wed, Kimberly would often pick up the girl at the ex-wife's when she was there on visitation and drop her off at daycare, because her workplace was conveniently located to both. Perhaps that was the initiating factor in Kimberly's being drawn into the twisted legal fight over the child.
    The real unpleasantness began about six years ago, when the daughter's pediatrician told the Kings that there were indications the girl had suffered abuse at a young age-apparently at the hands of the mother, according to Don and Kimberly. The child's nose had been broken, and the injury was the source of the sinus complications she had developed and was suffering from. The matter went to court, and Kimberly recalls how a court-appointed attorney for the daughter advised her that if she testified at the hearing-or even showed up-she would pay the consequences.
    Kimberly testified nonetheless. In the meeting with the judge and both attorneys that followed, the daughter's court-appointed attorney alleged that Kimberly was a drug dealer and a drug user and that she had been Don's live-in girlfriend for the past 10 years (which would have meant that Kimberly was15 years old when she began that relation). Kimberly recalls how, based solely on these allegations, the court placed her under a restraining order-prohibiting her from driving any minor anywhere-and ordered her to undergo random drug testing at the opposing attorney's discretion as well as psychological testing in preparation for child-custody evaluation.
    Although Kimberly filed a lawsuit against the attorney and enlisted the advice of local law enforcement authorities (who told her the restraining order was unenforceable), she has only recently managed to get the declarations against he overturned. She has not managed to get all references to them within the legal system removed, however-meaning that she can never know where the shadows of the ex-wife's allegations might turn up next. Stopped recently for a traffic violation, Kimberly says the information appeared on the cops' records and she was questioned by them at length.
    Thus ushered so unpleasantly into the bizarre world of child-custody battles. Kimberly, who once worked as a marketing consultant, now does legal research, writes briefs, clerks, and, with her husband, provides pro bono legal assistance to fathers rights groups. The ranks of these mainstream groups are filled with men and women who have undergone their own nightmarish custody battles-perhaps different from the Kings' in degree, but not in kind.
    Anne Mitchell is another woman in the fathers rights movement serving as both an advocate and a legal resource. Mitchell is a divorced mother, a practicing fathers rights attorney, and the founder and director of the Fathers' Rights & Equality Exchange. FREE, which is "dedicated to the premise that parenting is a 50/50 proposition," stresses that it is not an "angry men's" organization and that while the organization is both active and vocal, it does not engage in demonstrations or "court watching." This emphasis on avoiding the man-against -woman label the fathers rights movement is often branded with is reinforced in the words of the group's leader.
    In "Trials and Tribulation: Gordon Clark," a 1995 column Mitchell co-authored with Oklahoma State University political science professor Wolfgang Hirczy, she notes that: "The case of Clark versus Clark is a textbook example of all that is wrong with how we view the family roles of women and men, particularly in divorce. Fathers are routinely excised from their children's lives, and relegated to the role of checkbook in absentia, while mothers have been indoctrinated to believe that they must be the primary custodial parent, and that just about anybody will do to baby-sit the kids except for the father. When the jury comes in we will find that it was the children who lost, beyond a shadow o a doubt." Even if divorced parents can't set aside their differences in other areas then, they should declare a truce when it comes to the kids in order to make good parenting a joint effort-an obvious point that is too often forgotten, and one that carries all the more force when coming from someone like Mitchell, a divorced mother herself who is an expert in the field of divorce law and fathers rights.
    While she eschews the man-versus-woman battle. Mitchell does get her digs in at the feminists, whose unconditional support for women like Clark who seek to retain full custody rights for their children only to leave them with a baby-sitter most of the time has done plenty to portray the fathers rights movement as the enemy camp in the battle between the sexes. Speaking at a 1995 fathers' rights convention, Mitchell noted: "One would think, given the countless, contemporary women who have proven that women are in fact capable of sustaining a career as well as having children, that to define women back into dependency on the very actors who have for generations oppressed them, namely men and the state {through reliance on financial child support}, would be nothing short of heresy."
    And then there are fathers' rights groups that have actually developed in part as a reaction to the feminist movement. The National Coalition of Free Men, for example, grew at least in part out of what organizer Pamela Kelly describes as a wasteland created by the radical feminist. Kelly recalls that when she was in high school in the late 1970's she watched as the lives of her five brothers were increasingly affected by the hostile attitude of the burgeoning feminist movement. All five young men were gifted athletes and good students, says Kelly, yet they "began to realize that none of them were going to be the best until they cut off their d---s." Kelly saw feminism as beginning to pit son against father and father against son--in addition to the usual man against woman--and she determined to speak out about the movement's radicalism and divisiveness.
    Kelly's vocal protest won her few friends, she recalls, and in one case probably cost her her job, but she continues to speak out against radicalism through her affiliation with the NCFM. In fact, outspoken women have proven to be one of that organization's strong suits. Kelly notes that one of the largest roles women play in the group is to speak publicly on those controversial issues such as child custody or affirmative action that men are often afraid to talk about. Kelly herself has spoken to other men's groups more than a dozen times recently and has given California state senators position papers on pending legislation. The fact that women hold the same views as the men affiliated with the group, and are willing to go on the record voicing those views, underscores the premise that fathers rights is not a man-versus-woman issue and encourages more of the men to speak up as well. The NCFM itself has ties with many regional and national men's organization, especially those dealing solely with divorce-related issues, and will assist men in any way by providing data and support and lobbying for legislative reform.
    While many women feel compelled to join the movement's relatively larger organizations, such as the NCFM and the newly-formed American Coalition for Fathers & Children, many work independently. Lee Covington has written How to Dump Your Wife, which offers humorous and practical advice for men going through a divorce, and Marjorie Engel has written The Divorce Help Sourcebook. Deena Stacer is the founder of TeamWork, an adjunct to her husband's family law firm in San Diego, which offers workshops (some for free) on family law issues and holds group counseling sessions.
    Carleen Brennan began working in the movement with her husband more than a decade ago because of his three children. Her husband helps fathers obtain information on their rights to visitation, custody, and support because of what he sees as bias in the courtroom in the favor of the mother in these areas. Brennan herself has been active in the movement by serving as an NCFC board member and, with her husband, has co-authored Custody for Fathers. The book emphasizes two major points-the importance of ensuring that child's best interest comes first and the necessity of good parenting skills-and addresses the legal maze fathers must navigate to obtain good visitation rights, joint custody, or even custody at all. Custody for Fathers had begun as a series of pamphlets Brennan had written on everything from how to conduct oneself in court to the legal htmlects of time-sharing or joint custody.
    "What we have found over the years we have been working with fathers," says Brennan, "is that it is the lower-income fathers who have the most trouble dealing with the system. In these cases, the mother-usually suffering from low self-esteem, low education, and low job skills-sees child custody and [financial] support as the only power she has, and therefore uses the children as pawns to obtain anything she wants in terms of visitation and support payments."
    Brennan has found that the courts tend to oblige such women. She notes that mothers also frequently resort to histarics in the courtroom, which the authorities apparently consider natural, and the husbands, feeling jeopardized by such tactics, often respond in kind. Unfortunately for the fathers, the courts do not respond as obligingly to an upset husband's behavior, considering it evidence of his poor status as a role model and thereby reinforcing the mother's power in the case.
    Brennan and her husband focus their efforts on the children's interests and good parenting skills, so that during meditation sessions shared parenting becomes the driving agenda of each party. With her help and their emphasis on good parenting, Brennan notes that her husband continues to win numerous and satisfying shared-parenting suits.
    Legislative reform of the system which pits parent against parent moves slowly, or not at all. California was one of the first states to consider child-focused legislation dubbed the "Mrs. Doubtfire bill," which would have allowed a non-custodial parent to provide child care when the custodial parent needs a baby-sitter because of a work or school schedule. Although the bill would have allowed a win-win-win situation for mother, father, and child-the custodial parent would save on child-care costs, the non- custodial parent would have more time to share with the child, and the child would be with a loving parent rather than a baby-sitter or in a child-care center-it failed to pass the legislature.    Yet the slow pace of reform only strengthens the membership ranks and reach of grassroots organizations like the ACFC, FREE, NCFC, and the NAF, for the parents caught in an unfair system need someone to turn to for legal assistance, support, and guidance. And with women like Pamela Kelly and Kimberly King, Anne Mitchell and Carleen Brennan involving themselves so actively in the movement, a divorced father has the comfort of knowing that while it may seem like his ex-wife has arrayed all the forces of the system and its feminist supporters against him when he faces her in court, there are plenty within the ranks of the fairer sex who agree that he has a much a right and responsibility to raise his children as his wife does.
Elizabeth Larson is a Southern California writer.

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